At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
