you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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