a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
