It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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