just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Randomize
