He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
