I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
