Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
