A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
