I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
