Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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