booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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