its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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