I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
