Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
im holly from the hills drunk
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
