My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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