nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
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