1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize