I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
