Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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