I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize