went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
