I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Vodka?
Forever.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
