So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
