i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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