i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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