remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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