We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
