all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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