ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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