i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
