I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
