dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
