I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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