Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize