It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
