There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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