I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
