god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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