3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
