Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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