We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
