She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
