I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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