My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
