Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
