Cold hands, warm shart.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
this hospital has no fireball
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
