Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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