I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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