I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
