I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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