I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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