The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
