You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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