words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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