I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
