Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Drunk is a universal language darling
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
