Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
