you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
