So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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