My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
