first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
