Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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