You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
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He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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